China's Leftover Women : Spinsters at 27?

A study by the Chinese government agency, the All-China Women’s Federation, has found that the average age for Chinese women to get hitched is 26. The publication titled the “Happy Marriage & Household Report” also underlines that nine out of ten Chinese women are wed before turning thirty. The findings have taken Chinese social media by storm, and the hashtag “ Average Age to Marry in China is 26” (#我国平均26岁结婚#) has gone virral.

Of course, for many Western women like myself, these findings hardly seem like anything more than just some banal statistics. In the UK, where I grew up, the average age for women to walk down the aisle is 28.9 years. However, this fact hardly makes me feel under any pressure to start dropping hints about tying the knot to my boyfriend – even if I just turned 27.

Not only does this issue completely fail to bother me, but it’s also barely a big deal in British society. On the contrary, some British men would even argue that ladies grow even more attractive in their thirties. Having travelled more, honed their careers, experienced the ups and downs of relationships,  these women are definitely more independent, savvy and confident than their twenty-something counterparts.

However, in China, it seems to be a totally different story. The age of 26 is widely accepted as the marriage sell-by date for Chinese ladies. Afterwards, they are branded as ‘shengnu’ (剩女) – ‘leftover women,’ who are deemed never to find a husband. According to the BBC, in 2013, one in every five Chinese females aged 25 to 29 was unmarried.

It also appears that these women themselves are blamed for their inability to tie the knot due to being “too picky.” Indeed, the All-China Women’s Federation itself has been pretty blunt on the issue in a 2011 article: “Pretty girls do not need a lot of education to marry into a rich and powerful family. But girls with an average or ugly appearance will find it difficult […] These girls hope to further their education in order to increase their competitiveness. The tragedy is, they don’t realise that as women age, they are worth less and less. So by the time they get their MA or PhD, they are already old – like yellowed pearls.”
Given the above charming and helpful advice – which rather mysteriously has now been deleted off the ACWF’s website – it really is no wonder that as women edge towards the age of 26, many feel depressed and under enormous pressure to find a mate.

“Oh, there is no hope Pei Pei*. She is 35 now, she will never find a husband,” Li Na*, a 23-year old friend whispered to me about her co-worker, before wailing “Oh, I do not want to end up like Pei Pei!”

Despite being both pretty and intelligent,  Li Na was extremely paranoid about becoming a leftover woman. In order to avoid befalling the same fate as Pei Pei, Li Na frantically tried take matter into her on hands. Every time we headed out for drinks to Sanlitun, Beijing’s notorious bar district, she would suddenly drift off away from her friends in order to  commence her fervent hunt to find a spouse-to-be.

Admittedly, it was a pretty pathetic spectacle to behold. The poor girl really left no stone unturned, determinedly chatting up every Tom, Dick and Harry in the vicinity. There was the Parisian with a ponytail so lustrous that even the New Zealand Prime Minister John Key would have wished to tug his barnet. Then, there was that surprisingly decent gentleman from the USA who politely told Li Na he was in his fifties and, therefore, old enough to be her father. But then there was, of course, the less savoury middle-aged British dude who did not appear concerned  at all about their vast difference in age.

Given China’s former one-child policy, many parents are desperate for their only daughter to settle down with a family as it’s their single hope of having a grandchild. Hence, its not uncommon for Mum and Dad to play cupid by arranging blind dates, signing their daughter up to a dating website ( a  former student of mine experienced this despite still being only 17  at the time,) or -most cringe-worthy of all – heading to the marriage markets, which involves parents literally exhibiting and promoting their unwed offspring as farmers would with livestock at a cattle sale.

Fortunately, it seems that there are at least some Chinese women who are taking a stand against this notion that a lady, still in her twenties, could be dismissed as – well, let’s face it – a spinster. Lily,* a close Chinese friend who works in the luxury industry, is one of such individuals.

Last weekend, I attended her birthday party. After enjoying a sumptuous Cantonese celebratory meal, the birthday girl stood up to make a short speech before her crowd of guests.

“My first boyfriend told me that 25 is meant to be the best year of your life,” she commented “however, now at 28, being a little older and actually single, I realise that you can be your most happy at any age.”

Her  frank and self-assured tone was deeply admirable.  Indeed, Lily’s message was the equivalent of  giving one-fingered salute to the social taboo and all those who berate the so-called “leftover women.” Instead of feeling ashamed of being a ‘spinster’, Lily was announcing herself as a proud bachelorette.

If only more Chinese women could adopt this attitude.